My God is My Redeemer

ashes and rubble
smoke and fires
broken years
burning tears
weeping on the floor
crying out at night
the anguish
all alone
bitterness
broken hopes
messes
where are you
lost
confusion
fire thoughts
racing racing
razors on the arms
driven until dawn
focus
hopeless
long for death
waiting for judgment
broken dreams
the enemy in the dark
fear
piercing words out of my mouth
wounding everyone i love
thoughts of guns
testing the railing
late
overslept
overate
oversex
overdark
overnothingness

take this life of death
burn it on your altar
let the fires change a life
let them light up a dark place
crush it into oil
fuel the lamp of hope in a girl's eyes
anoint the head of a young man
seal it with your promise.
go'ali eli.

lovely

the longing of my soul
is to bloom into beauty before you
let my heart spill its treasure
let my blood fill the petals
in the warmth of your love
drinking in the rain of your love
hold me in your hand
pick me
this morning is a reawakening
this dying is a rebirth
the mess and the dew
the water and the spirit
a new fragrance from my ashes
fire consume me
take me up
your hands are lovely

a life

the baby boy
didn't know how to say
what he wanted
but when he was old enough to say it
he forgot what it was.
then one night with his lovely wife
he remembered the dream.
knowing.
even with her lips pressed against his
he was still alone.
it filled up his nights and days until they ran together.
then one day he looked in the mirror and knew that he was wrong.
it was then that his true family found him.
when he died, they were all there,
remembering his touch.
but their tears weren't for forever.
soon...

dreams

one night while i dreamed that i was flying
i woke up over madrid
i tumbled through the night
and landed in the arms of a new friend.

one night while i dreamed that i was walking
i woke up in a forest surrounded by villains
with my back against the wall
i pulled out my trusty sword and said
it's a good day to die.

one night while i dreamed i was swimming
i woke up in a sea of tears
the pain was so great that i let myself sink to the bottom
but then i remembered you and i knew i had to press on.

one night while i dreamed i was alone
i woke up and i was all alone
i called and called and no one came
but then i fell asleep in your arms.

redemption

the blood red petals are scattered all over the floor
mixed in with the wrong notes, the wrong words at the wrong time,
the scent of death on the memories of autumn,
the hint of failure laced throughout,
and all the golden victories.
a life unfinished.

enough

one time i became very small
and fled to a deep patch of grass
i hid from the giant monsters
i learned to become friends with a friendly ant
there was always plenty to go around
we sang little songs
but they were big to us
even the small bit of hope that burned in our hearts
was enough to keep us warm through the cold, cold night.