Mornin'

I had a dream.

Just before dawn

I was cruising down the highway

west.

away from all this mess. The mountains ahead of me,

deep blue in the ever lightening mist

I don't know what's ahead

I know I can't run

from all the memories,

so I packed them in a suitcase and brought them.

hoping

to meet someone,

or something,

that can take away all the pain.

Good God

You fight for the poor

You stand up against the oppressor and overthrow him

You humble the proud, and exalt the humble

You bring justice to the world

You change wrong into right

You empower the weak

You bring healing to the broken

You teach arrogant bullies a lesson

You are righteous

You reward the righteous and punish the wicked

You love justice and righteousness

You are kind and merciful

You are the God of freedom

You rescue those who are oppressed and downtrodden

You set slaves free

You empower women

You are loving and faithful

You never break your promises

You are trustworthy

You are my Father.

You protect those who seek you

You save those who obey you

You surround those who know you

In freedom, I will praise you:

"I bless you, o God of Justice

May your fame and knowledge increase on the earth

until your ways have possessed the nations!"

Evil God

I hate you, Evil God.

You team up with Pharaoh and help enslave the nations.

You force me to submit to hurtful people;

you don't care about my feelings.

You turn me over to evil people,

you condemn me when I don't forgive them,

you reprimand me when I try to fight them,

you punish me when I rebel against them.

You force me to submit my mind to confusing teachings;

you condemn me when I ask questions;

you punish me when I challenge teachers.

You tell me those in authority are always right.

You demand that I say that you are good,

you bully me into gratitude.

You bind me up with cords of rope so that I won't fight evil;

You lash out at me angrily or sternly correct me when I judge evil;

You turn me over to the tormentors whenever I am angry at being abused;

You try to make me like a sheep or a kitten,

you cut off my testicles and force me to live in fear,

and then you reprimand me for not hanging out with men.

You tell me not to ask questions about whether hurtful people's behavior is wrong;

You judge me and write me off, saying "he's just bitter,

don't worry about him.

Obviously he just needs to forgive.

He has issues.

He is demonized for a reason."

You minimize my pain,

You're tired of listening,

You are sick and tired of my shit.

You force me to believe evil people have good intentions,

to give them the benefit of the doubt,

to believe the best about them.

You make me stand by and watch with a cheesy grin of love

while they rape and pillage and torment.

With outstretched arms of love, I will win them to your big teddy bear heart.

They won't know the truth about you;

No one does.

Only I know the truth.

Everyone else knows your teddy bear heart.

"Stop judging your dad!

You are under a curse.

You need to repent."

You take away my weapons and rape me.

You take away my will to fight and my will to live,

and threaten me with hell if I commit suicide.

You trap me at every turn,

my escape route is blocked off,

so that you can torment me.

Yet I will praise you, because I have to,

or else they will get me and reprimand me with the Bible:

"Fuck you, Evil God.

Go to hell."

Big Time

I'm practicing scales

Gotta train these fingers

Make these strings sing

The song of my heart

The one I haven't written yet

But I know it's in there

The one that's gonna open things up

Change all this mess

I can see it now,

That song is all I need.

She'll look at me with those eyes,

The ones I've always wanted,

And he'll tell me he's proud of me,

And they'll all want my autograph

and they'll hang on my every word

and I'll be invited places

and I can dress cool and act cool,

and pretend it comes so naturally

and when people ask me what's my secret,

I won't tell them the truth.

what a rip off

i set my heart on priceless idols

i bled for them, wept for them, died for them, lived for them

but still never got what i needed from them.

love

he gave me a smile but i looked away

he gave me a drink but i didn't drink it

he blew me a kiss but i didn't catch it

he gave me a present but i didn't open it

he gave me his heart but i didn't want it

The Lion

when,

through the thick forest, in the cool of the darkness,

I saw his yellow eyes

watching me,

a chill ran up my spine.

Pistis

Although I am broken and defeated by life,

There is a river of new memories waiting to be discovered in the forest ahead of me.

The rush of beauty and love like I have never known.

I'll dive in and be carried along over the mountain stones with joy, through all the laughter and pain.

I believe it is possible to live a happy life,

if I can just learn to see things the way He does.

Then my eyes will be opened to the beauty that is already around me.

I will feel my friends' love and drink in the wonder of each day.

Pain will be bearable because I will have hope,

knowing something about every tear that I don't know now.

I believe in God, I believe in the Gospel. I believe happiness is possible.

Tenderness

In your eyes I see a dream

It's early morning, and the sunlight is glinting off her silken hair,

glasses on the nightstand.

I see another one:

A snowy day, sitting on a bench in a park, watching our children play.

I see another one, it's morning again, in a field, the sun is shining on the tall yellow grass.

I see another one: It's Christmas and she's wearing a red and black sweater.

I see another one: She's singing her to sleep.

I see another one, this blasted rain won't stop.

I see wind in the trees one fall, change is coming.

A young girl in our kitchen, coming to know the Lord.

Me at a piano, I'm writing you a song.

My son - Be careful with that guitar.

Tears at a lost temper.

Tears at a cold shoulder.

Reconciliation in secret.

A bonfire in the woods with friends, just like old times.

A dog that we have to give away because we are moving.

A home of acceptance and love

A home where we're wanted and where we belong

A home where we can be ourselves, and our dreams matter.

Where we matter.

I see it in your eyes.

Butterfly

You landed in my hand

Your lavender wings beating as your tiny feet held my finger

I let you go

O when will you come back to me?

torn Tallit

I am a thread on his needle
as he weaves us
back together.

affections

his burning affections
ardent inside me
burn brilliantly
their brightness
lighting up the death in my heart
like lightening on a summer night.

still

will you still trust me
when you see the way i have squandered myself
and thrown my heart to the wind
for so many years?
will you still want to touch me
when so many strangers
have lied to my skin?
will you still want to kiss me
when you hear the curses i have spoken
in all of my rage?
will you still accept me
when you see the depths of the twistedness
that has gripped me and tormented me?
will you still?

bridge

i'll tie my hand to yours with a ribbon
and we'll run away together
to Switzerland
and we'll go hide in the mountains
and play games
we'll hike way up, where no one will find us,
and we'll pray, and look over the Alps,
and say refined things in German,
and read each other French poetry
that we brought specially along just for this view
and then we'll hold hands,
and jump off the cliff.
we'll fall and fall, through worlds never seen by human eyes,
and land in a magical place, all our own.
we'll find a ship,
and sail across the sea together,
and we'll never ever leave each other,
and we'll look for treasure,
and when we find it,
we'll spend it all on each other,
and give each other butterfly kisses
under the stars.
and we'll travel through the desert
and talk to birds and drink water from cactuses
and do all those desert-y things
and then we'll wake up, still in Switzerland, and look into each other's eyes,
and know that neither of us will ever be alone
again.

hide and seek

i'm hiding.
i'm hiding, can you see me? i'm looking at you, can you see?
i'm here, in the toy chest, i'm cracking the lid, i'm peeping out,
hoping to be discovered.

treasure

one day someone will find me
they will say to themselves,
i'll dig deep. i'll look past the barrenness of the land
i know that hidden underground
is my treasure.
they will dig down,
and i'll wait here, in my treasure trove.
i won't move or make a sound to encourage her.
when she finds me,
i won't be too happy, because i don't want to be weird or overwhelming, and cause her to run away
but i won't be sad, either, because she might be discouraged and leave in despair,
and think poorly of me,
and remember me as being the treasure that broke her heart
as she walks further and further away
every day.

a boy and his dog

alone on the mountainside
the boy and his dog crept through the woods
toward the rabbit.
they had been stranded here
after a plane crash in the mountains of Alaska.
drawing strength from each other,
they had survived the summer,
but now autumn was approaching.
this rabbit skin
would be a valuable hat,
or something.
plus they needed the meat.
"get him, boy!"
said the boy, pointing at the rabbit.
the dog jumped up and down, licking his finger.
in horror, the boy watched as the rabbit hopped away.
"we're really in for it now!" said the boy.
"Sammy, time to come inside!" called mom.
"Augh mom! do I have to?"
he looked at his trusty companion
and knew
that deep inside him
were the seeds of a great hunter.

laughter at bath time

in her eyes
is the hope of a thousand nations
her message and her vision
have yet to take shape on her bubbling lips
as i wash her hair
the limitless riches of Christ's suffering
splash water on me
and fill the universe
and all of time
and continue out from there
this joy
who can ever know?

rejection

my cause is lost
i'm being dragged through the leaves by death in the night
away from you
forever
but you don't see because
you're laughing at someone's joke
you've forgotten me.

death

i didn't cry and i didn't care
because nobody cried or cared
when i died.

a kiss

i'd like to enjoy the taste
of your pain and sorrow, and all of your laughter,
together with you.

relationship

look, you need to sing and dance, ok

and dress like this and say "amen" and "hallelujah"

and read your bible *every day*

and come to church every sunday

and you have to witness to all your friends

and talk like this, using these big words,

and here's when you stand up, and here's when you sit down,

and here's when you fall down, see, when he touches you like that,

and you have to be happy all the time

and you have to tell everyone how happy Jesus made you

and how glad you are that it's not a religion it's a relationship.

love

i gave you a smile but you looked away

i gave you a drink but you didn't drink it

i blew you a kiss but you didn't catch it

i gave you a present but you didn't open it

i gave you my heart but you didn't want it

Look at me!

Look at me!

My right hand is in something good- and so is my left.

My hair looks good- and so do I.

Are you important too? We should be friends. Forgive me- I'll have to delete a contact to put your name in my phone. I guess I just know too many people!

By the way, I'm having a party at my house. You seem rich and influential, so you are invited! Feel free to invite any friends you think I'd be interested in meeting!

Oh, you mean her? The beautiful, talented one on the left? Funny story how she and I are connected!

Pardon me-

I'm sorry, who are you? Don't you know how to act around me? Some people have no manners these days.

Anyway, as I was saying, you know, that is true, I do have lots of good looking friends. Isn't that odd!

Adventures

I swam and swam across the stormy ocean

fleeing from you.

I ran and ran through the forest and the desert,

running from you.

I crossed many continents in my journeys,

had many stormy love affairs, all ending in heartbreak,

saw beauty, witnessed injustice, and learned many lessons,

as I fled and fled, away from you, running and running,

trying to escape

from your angry gaze.

Ezekiel and Isaiah

Once there were two boys, Ezekiel and Isaiah.

Ezekiel

Ezekiel was a beautiful little baby with brown eyes. One day, when he was in his crib, Uncle Ty said, I wonder what he will grow up to be.

When he was five, Uncle Dave said to him, "Hey, Zeke, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be Superman!" said little Ezekiel. "Superman ain't real, Zeke. You gotta pick somethin' else." "Why?" "Ain't no heroes in this world, Zeke. You gotta fend for yourself. It's a hard world out there, so always, always watch your back." "OK Uncle Dave," said Ezekiel.

One night, when Ezekiel was 7, he lay in bed, listening to Dad and Mama arguing in the kitchen. "What do you mean you lost? You done gambled away all our savings?" "Baby, I know I can win it back. Just lend me a couple bucks." "Don't you start with me Rayquan. I worked hard for that money." "Woman, why you always standing in my way? You never help me with nothing." "You are a disgrace, Rayquan. A disgrace." "Naw, you don't talk to me like that, woman." Dad's tone was menacing. "You heard what I said!" Mama shot back. Ezekiel lay paralyzed, listening to the scuffle. "Get out Rayquan!" "I ain't leaving!" Ezekiel could hear the blow as Dad hit Mama in the face. He heard Mama crumple to the floor. "Aww, shit," said Dad. The door closed behind him as he left.

When Ezekiel was 14, Tyson said, "Hey Z, look at this." He pointed to a purple handkerchief hanging out of his pocket. "I got in." "Shut up man, you ain't no gangster," said Ezekiel. "Dawson said he wants you to come chill with us," said Tyson. "Who, me? How he know me?" "I told him all about you, dude. He says he wants to meet you." This is my moment, thought Ezekiel. "Aight," he said. "I guess I'll come."

"Everyone done did it already Z," said Dawson. "You gonna be born again." "I just don't know," said Ezekiel, looking at the floor. "Look Z, you want respect, you gotta earn it. You want power, you gotta take it. Ain't nobody gonna give you nothing in this world unless you take it for yourself." Dawson looked him in the eye. "Ain't nobody gonna miss that nigger anyways," he said, handing him the pistol.

When Ezekiel was 16, he met Latika. She had smooth, caramel skin and deep, black eyes. Her beauty was like an aura around her, and she was gentle. "Latika, you make me glad to be alive," said Ezekiel. "You make me happy, too, Z," she said, gazing up at him with her starry eyes. "That's why you my girl." She giggled. "My mama says you should come to church with us." "Whatever makes you happy," said Ezekiel.

"And the Word of God says," called Bishop Jeffries, "that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered." "Amen," everyone said. "Whosoever!" "Yes," said the church. "Shall call," he raised his finger in the air. "Upon the name of the Lord-- shall be delivered!" "Yes!" Latika's mom was on her feet clapping. Ezekiel felt uncomfortable. "There is someone here," said Bishop Jeffries suddenly. "Someone, who is perishing in their sins." He paused, and a hush fell upon the church. "There is someone here, oh yes, I feel it in my spirit." He looked around the church. "You are saying to yourself, 'I am too far from God.'" "Oh no, mm-mm," a few answered. "Someone! Is saying to themselves, God has forgotten me." "No, no!" said the church. "Someone is saying! I cannot be forgiven for what I have done." Ezekiel shrunk down in the pew. "What's wrong Z?" whispered Latika. "When's this gonna end?" whispered Ezekiel.

When he was 17, everyone was fighting. "Get down, y'all!" said Tyson. The shots rang out from across the street as they ducked behind a car. "Shit!" said Tyson. Suddenly Denny's Suburu sped down the street with the window down. The Uzi roared at the enemy and the wheels squealed as the car banked around the corner. The street was eerily silent. Latika was curled up in a ball on the street, sobbing. Tyson breathed a sigh of relief. "Damn dude, that was close." Suddenly, a man stepped over them from around the car. He pointed his pistol at Tyson's head and pulled the trigger. The blast from the pistol shook Ezekiel's bones. "This your ho, ain't it?" said Garrett. Latika picked her head up from the ground and looked up at Garrett. "No!" she said. But Garrett discharged two rounds into Latika's head, too. He said, "Tell Dawson I said what's up." and walked off.

Dawson and Ezekiel rode in silence as they cruised through the neighborhood, gripping their weapons. "We gonna find him, Z." Ezekiel didn't answer. He sat still and expressionless, scanning the sidewalks. Suddenly, a figure appeared coming around a corner, wearing a Chicago Bulls jacket. "That's him!" said Dawson. "Blast him!" Ezekiel's blood went cold. He stuck the shotgun out the window and aimed it at Garrett. Garrett stopped, frozen in his tracks.

Suddenly, he felt a Presence in the car. He felt arms around him, holding him, and a breeze blowing across his face. Then he heard a voice. "Ezekiel." The Presence gripped him, and chills ran up his spine. He blacked out and saw a vision. He saw Jesus, nailed to the cross. Jesus looked him in the eyes. "Ezekiel," he said. Suddenly he was back in the car. Garrett was running down the street and turned the corner. "What the hell is wrong with you dude?" exploded Dawson. He turned the corner and stepped on the gas. "Lemme out," said Ezekiel. "What are you talking about?" "I want out. Lemme out of the car." "You ain't going nowhere, dog," Dawson said. "Dawson. I said, let me out!" Ezekiel turned and looked at Dawson. Dawson looked at him in anger. Then the car slowed down and stopped. Ezekiel tossed the shotgun onto the seat as got out of the car. He shut the door, and walked away.

Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and your breakers have gone over me. Ps 42:7

Isaiah

Isaiah was a beautiful little baby with blue eyes. One day, when he was in his crib, Uncle John said, I wonder what he will grow up to be.

When he was five, Uncle Eric said to him, "Hey Zay, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be a fireman," said little Isaiah. "So you wanna rescue people like your dad, huh?" Isaiah nodded. "Well, people need a lot of rescuing in this world, and there's a lot of fires." He put his hand on Isaiah's shoulder. "You gotta be strong to be a fireman, Zay, so you need to eat your vegetables." "OK Uncle Eric," said Isaiah.

When Isaiah was 7, his father took him to the fire station to meet everyone. "Hey, it's Zay!" they all said. "Hey buddy," said Captain Jacobs, getting down on one knee. He looked Isaiah in the eye. "You wanna ride the firetruck with us?" Isaiah looked at Dad. "Go on, son," said Dad. "Tell Captain Jacobs you want to ride." Isaiah was wide eyed. "Yea!" he breathed. "OK," said Capt. Jacobs. "But first we gotta get you a helmet!" "Wowwww!" said Isaiah. "Sam, I think it'll be too big for him," said Dad. "Hey, what the hell. Hey Jackson, give the kid a helmet." Jackson grabbed a yellow helmet and handed it to Isaiah. On the back it said "Chicago Fire Department." Isaiah sat up front with Captain Jacobs and Dad. They pulled out of the station and onto the street and rode around the block. The engine was noisy. Isaiah was in heaven. "Hey Zay, watch this." Captain Jacobs turned on the siren. All around the truck, the lights reflected off the builings. Isaiah plugged up his ears against the deafening wail of the siren. "Yea!" said Isaiah. They pulled back into the station. "How about that, Isaiah? One day you're gonna be just like your dad over there." "Yes sir," said Isaiah. Dad put his arm around Isaiah. "That's my boy," he said.

When Isaiah was 14, all the trouble started. He and Jeff Radkoff sat next to each other in chemistry class. Jeff had blond hair and blue eyes. He was the quarterback for the middle school football team. Isaiah liked Jeff. Every day he couldn't wait until Chemistry class, and then after it was over, he couldn't wait until chemistry class the next day. One day, he worked up the courage. "Hey Jeff," Isaiah stammered, whispering. "What's up Isaiah." "Do you want to come over to my house some time?" Jeff looked at him quizzically. "Sorry dude, I don't hang out with fags." Isaiah's heart stopped. "What?" he whispered. "I said I don't hang out with queers. I like girls, ok. Shut up man, you're gonna get us in trouble." Isaiah swallowed hard and tried to maintain his composure. "I'm not gay, man," he protested. "Shut up Isaiah, stop talking to me or we're going to get in trouble."

Isaiah spent the rest of the day in shock. At home, after he had finished crying, he lay on his bed looking at the ceiling. "Am I gay?" he asked the ceiling. No, he said to himself. A terrible anxiety gripped him.

When Isaiah was 16, he met Patrick. Patrick had red hair and an earing. He was loud and funny, and they had a lot of the same friends. One day, they were at a Kayla's house, smoking weed in the back. "Hey Isaiah," said Patrick through the smoke. "What's your phone number dude? We should chill some time." "Why?" said Isaiah. "I want to show you something. Just trust me," said Patrick. "OK," said Isaiah.

He rang the doorbell at Patrick's house and waited. After a minute, Patrick opened the door. "Wassup man!" Patrick said. "Come in, do come in. My parents aren't home." They went upstairs to Patrick's room and sat down on his bed. "I know your secret," Patrick said bluntly.

When he was 17, everyone was fighting. "What do you mean, you're coming out?" said Dad in anger. "You saying you're a faggot?" "Dad! This is really hard, ok. Just calm down," Isaiah stammered. "Calm down? I didn't raise you to be no faggot, son! What the hell!" "Honey, calm down," said Mom. "What Isaiah is trying to say is that he's going through a phase." "I'm not going through a phase mom!" Isaiah burst into tears. "I'm GAY, ok? GAY GAY GAY! And I have a boyfriend and his name is Patrick and we've been together for a year now!" "No, son. You're not gay," said Dad icily. He went down the hall. "Dad, where are you going?" "I'm gonna give you some time to rethink this!" Dad called from inside Isaiah's room. "What are you doing?" Isaiah said in desperation. He ran down the hall. Dad had Isaiah's suitcase out and was stuffing it full of random clothes from his drawers. "Dad what are you doing?" Isaiah said in terror. "You're gonna go rethink this, and when you remember who you are, you come back here and be our son." "Dad I don't understand." "Richard, what are you doing?" breathed Mom. "Be quiet honey, it's for the best." "You're not thinking of putting my son out on the street, Richard." "I said be quiet, Matilda. This is not our son. I want my son back." He zipped up the suitcase and reached in the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush. He shoved it in the front pocket. Then he grabbed Isaiah by the arm and started dragging him to the door. "Hey! Let me go!" protested Isaiah. He squirmed and tried to escape from his father's powerful grasp. "Richard. Stop this instant," demanded Mom. "There's no discussion, Matilda. I want my son back." "Dad stop! Dad I don't want to go!" "Richard, stop it!" shrieked Mom. She ran up and tried to pull Isaiah out of Dad's grip. Dad grabbed her hand and threw her against the wall. "Get off me Matilda! Don't tell me how to raise my son!" "Richard!" Mom screamed in rage. "Richard!" Dad opened the door and threw Isaiah's suitcase outside. He pulled Isaiah up to his face and looked him in the eye. "Don't you come back a faggot, or I'll beat your ass. When you get in your right mind, you come back and be my son." He pushed Isaiah out the door and onto the ground, and slammed the door behind him.

Isaiah dragged his suitcase behind him as he ambled along the street downtown. Finally, he sat down alone at a bus stop and stared at his shoes. Then he looked up to the sky. "God, why did you make me gay?" he said aloud, angrily. Suddenly a man broke his reverie. "No use talkin' to God," he said under his breath. "What?" Isaiah said to him, looking at him. "I said it's no use talking to God. I don't believe in God," the man spoke up. "Well, I do," said Isaiah. "And I want answers!" He kicked his suitcase.

You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek." Ps 27:10

Destiny and Promise

Once there were two brown haired girls, Destiny and Promise.

Destiny
Destiny was a beautiful little baby with brown eyes. One day, when she was in her crib, Aunt Sarah said, I wonder what she will grow up to be.
When she was five, Aunt Samantha said to her, "Now Destiny, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be the president!" said little Destiny. Aunt Sam chuckled. "Destiny, you can't be the president. You're a girl!" "Oh, ok. Well what can I be then?" "One day, you're going to meet a nice man, and you'll get married, and have a family!" "Ohh. OK Auntie Sam," said Destiny.
When Destiny was 7 her father raped her. Dad told her she would get in big trouble if she ever told Mom, so she kept quiet. Every night for a year, she had a nightmare. But she knew she couldn't tell Mom about the nightmares, because then she would have to tell her what had happened. Then, after one year, to the very day, the nightmares stopped. But then something happened. Destiny stopped dreaming. From that day forward, she never dreamed another dream again.
When Destiny was 14, she and Kenneth were going steady. "I love you Destiny," said Kenneth. He kissed her. I've always wanted to be loved, she thought. He started to touch her. "I love you too, Kenneth," she said. She felt empty inside.
They didn't use a condom. When she missed her period, she went to the school counselor.
"What am I going to do?" she wept bitterly. "There are options, Destiny," said Ms. Sanders, handing her a pamphlet.
When Destiny was 16, she met Larry. Larry was 21. He was fearless and strong. He was raw and powerful, and exciting. "Let's go to the lake," said Larry. "I'll bring the beer."
The whole gang skipped school and went. They had a great time. At sundown, Larry and Destiny went for a walk. Larry stopped and looked her in the eyes. "You are some girl, Destiny." Destiny beamed. He leaned in and kissed her. She could taste the beer on his lips, and she liked it. "I like being with you, Larry." She said. "I like being with you too," he said. As they turned to go back, he looked her in the eyes and said "Girl, I'll never let you down," Her heart leaped and she bit her lip. A tear slid down her face as they walked, hand in hand.
When she was 17, everyone was fighting. "You're so ungrateful!" said Mom. "After everything we've done for you, you're a selfish little brat." "Oh yea?" said Destiny. "Well you're a bitch!" Her mother slapped her. "How dare you talk to your mother like that?" said Dad. "Shut up Dad! You pervert! How dare you rape me! I hate you!" "What are you talking about?" said Mom in horror. "She's a liar!" roared Dad. "Get out of my house Destiny!" screamed Mom. "I never want to see you again!"
Destiny sobbed a sigh of relief into the payphone. "Sure, baby, you can come stay with me," said Larry. He came and picked her up.
Destiny didn't know how much Larry drank until she moved in. Then her life was filled with bruises. She owned several pairs of sunglasses and took a job as a waitress.
One night, Larry wanted rent. "Get off me!" she screamed. "Be quiet!" said Larry, muffling her screams with his hand. He took what he wanted.
When he was through, Destiny moved out. The Chicago night air was cold in the Spring. She found a bench on the lakeside. The cool lake breeze blew memories across her face for hours as she sat in silence, completely still. Then she looked up at the veiled stars and said, "Are you out there, God?" Suddenly Destiny felt a weighty peace settle over her, like she had never felt before. In her mind's eye, she saw a father holding his daughter up in the sunshine. "I wish I had a dad like that," she said to the wind.

Our hearts are yearning for you...

Promise
Promise was a beautiful little baby with brown eyes. One day, when she was in her crib, Aunt Jess said, I wonder what she will grow up to be.
When she was five, Auntie Ellie said to her, "Now Promise, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I want to be an astronaut!" said little Promise. "You'll have to study hard, Promise. Being an astronaut is a very hard job." "Really?" "Yes," said Auntie Ellie. "But you can do anything you put your mind to!" "OK Auntie Ellie," said Promise.
When Promise was 7 her father gave her a bicycle. Dad taught her how to ride it outside on the street. "Don't look at the pedals, Promise," he kept telling her. "It throws off your balance. You have to keep your head up looking straight ahead." When she fell and scraped her arm, Mom knew what to do. She even blew on the Hydrogen Peroxide so it wouldn't sting as bad. "I believe in you, Promise," she said. "You can ride that bike."
When Promise was 14, Mark passed her a note. It said "Dear Promise. I think you have nice eyes. I hope we can talk some time. Your friend, Mark." Promise looked at him and blushed. At the school dance, they snuck off into a classroom and started writing funny things on the board. Then Mark came and looked her in the eyes. "I love you, Promise." "Don't be silly!" said Promise. "We're in middle school!" He tried to kiss her. "Mark, stop!" She ran out of the room.
When she was 16, she was watching the news and she saw the people left homeless by the hurricane. "We have to do something about this!" said Promise. "What should we do, sweetheart?" said Dad cautiously. When Promise made the announcement to her school assembly, everyone was inspired. They raised four thousand dollars and filled 17 boxes with clothes and food. Promise's picture was in the paper and the caption read, "Promise Brings Hope to Hurricane Victims."
When she was 17, everyone was fighting. "You can't go to Berkeley! I'm not going to let those hippies corrupt my daughter! No way!" said Dad. "You're just a small minded conservative!" Promise shot back. "Don't talk to your father that way! Who do you think is going to pay for all this?" said Mom. "I don't care! I don't care about any of it!" Promise ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door.
Dad knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" No answer. Dad cracked the door. Promise was sitting on her bed, looking out the window. "Promise, honey, we're your parents. We love you. We're on your side." "I know, Dad..." Promise rolled her eyes, still looking away. "We're just worried about you." Dad came and sat next to her on the bed. "Promise, the truth is, it's up to you. And I trust you to make the right decision." She turned and looked up at him, taken aback. "Really?" she said, eyebrows raised. Dad looked her in the eyes. "It's your life. You're an adult now. I just want to help you succeed." A tear slid down Promise's cheek, and she bit her lip. "Thanks Dad." she said.
Promise shivered on the bench outside the dorms in her jacket, looking at the sunset. Off in the distance, she could hear some of the University of Chicago freshman getting initiated into some kind of lunacy. She looked up into the night and said, "God, I wonder if you're out there." She waited for a moment, wondering what would happen. Suddenly an ominous reverence settled over Promise. Time seemed to slow down, and she was slowly gripped by a powerful Possibility from which she could not escape. She became uneasy, but she felt unable to move; her heart began to race, and as eternity loomed over her, Promise feared that she was losing control. Then, suddenly, it lifted.

You alone shall we fear...

Holy Spirit

Wind over the waters stirred them at the Father's command incarnating the potent decrees: I create.

Consuming fire on the mountain burning in witness of the colossal presence amidst the millions: I dwell.

Wrath inspirated into a chosen vessel to annihilate the sons of rejected peoples: Fear me.

Omniscience birthed into visions and dreams contorting spacetime and making plain the unknowable: I speak.

Omnipotence rupturing natural laws in manifest powers reversing processes and creating new physics: I act.

Omnipresence dwarfing creation vibrating all matter and energy in appointed rhythms ordaining every instant with a word of power and witness to every secret: I know.

Compassion overshadowing woman taking on flesh and bearing the fury of my holiness to reconcile: I bleed.

Longsuffering whispering in the hearts of chosen children passionate intoxicating words of promise calling them to reunion: I woo.

Commitment embracing rebellious brokenness faithfully unraveling mysteries, unswerving loyalty accompanying my beloved on journeys, eternal pleasure singing my heart over you: I love.

Forever and ever: I am.

today

promise, destiny, and freedom are in the sunshine today

i'm drinking in the breeze and getting loose

all charged up

opportunity has arrived

it's at my fingertips, i'm on the starting line

turning the page, it's a new story

the page is blank, but creativity is flowing

dreams are formulating, victory is in the air

carried on the wind from the distance

life is a question about to be answered

promise and destiny call

i'm free to run

shala mo na yethi

rotake yesu as-saluma reso
sibo lati yethimu la
ek-ketuma as-samura ti
rohsha keyia ti rota kaya romo nanana rota
resu
kaya
saluma
shibo.

mountains

the leaves are burning in the sunshine of this freedom
i'm all alone with the wind
it's a new beginning tomorrow
there's love to be found and songs to be written
this is good mountain soil, friendship will grow here

time travel

flying through space
i'm a buzzing b
i'm going back in time
the womb was dark
all the years are at my fingertips
i don't miss them

tu me manques

toi, tu me manques

même quand tu es à côté de moi

je regarde plus avant

et je vois les temps lorsque tu ne seras pas avec moi

je me sens vide

et comme si ton amour pour moi était fini

et comme si notre amitié n'avais jamais existé.  

My God is My Redeemer

ashes and rubble
smoke and fires
broken years
burning tears
weeping on the floor
crying out at night
the anguish
all alone
bitterness
broken hopes
messes
where are you
lost
confusion
fire thoughts
racing racing
razors on the arms
driven until dawn
focus
hopeless
long for death
waiting for judgment
broken dreams
the enemy in the dark
fear
piercing words out of my mouth
wounding everyone i love
thoughts of guns
testing the railing
late
overslept
overate
oversex
overdark
overnothingness

take this life of death
burn it on your altar
let the fires change a life
let them light up a dark place
crush it into oil
fuel the lamp of hope in a girl's eyes
anoint the head of a young man
seal it with your promise.
go'ali eli.

lovely

the longing of my soul
is to bloom into beauty before you
let my heart spill its treasure
let my blood fill the petals
in the warmth of your love
drinking in the rain of your love
hold me in your hand
pick me
this morning is a reawakening
this dying is a rebirth
the mess and the dew
the water and the spirit
a new fragrance from my ashes
fire consume me
take me up
your hands are lovely

a life

the baby boy
didn't know how to say
what he wanted
but when he was old enough to say it
he forgot what it was.
then one night with his lovely wife
he remembered the dream.
knowing.
even with her lips pressed against his
he was still alone.
it filled up his nights and days until they ran together.
then one day he looked in the mirror and knew that he was wrong.
it was then that his true family found him.
when he died, they were all there,
remembering his touch.
but their tears weren't for forever.
soon...

dreams

one night while i dreamed that i was flying
i woke up over madrid
i tumbled through the night
and landed in the arms of a new friend.

one night while i dreamed that i was walking
i woke up in a forest surrounded by villains
with my back against the wall
i pulled out my trusty sword and said
it's a good day to die.

one night while i dreamed i was swimming
i woke up in a sea of tears
the pain was so great that i let myself sink to the bottom
but then i remembered you and i knew i had to press on.

one night while i dreamed i was alone
i woke up and i was all alone
i called and called and no one came
but then i fell asleep in your arms.

redemption

the blood red petals are scattered all over the floor
mixed in with the wrong notes, the wrong words at the wrong time,
the scent of death on the memories of autumn,
the hint of failure laced throughout,
and all the golden victories.
a life unfinished.

enough

one time i became very small
and fled to a deep patch of grass
i hid from the giant monsters
i learned to become friends with a friendly ant
there was always plenty to go around
we sang little songs
but they were big to us
even the small bit of hope that burned in our hearts
was enough to keep us warm through the cold, cold night.